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akirazme

Somewhere you are out there....
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Ah, yes, I've finally gotten over my year or so long artist block to spend a few days working on a few pieces only to go back into this frustrating stage. What is this? I couldn't even extend it long enough to work on the last one, it just got a little overwhelming. I'm sure it'll pass...in another year or so. Heh. Anyway, there's currently nothing to upload them with other than my iPhone but with that kind of quality it's just not that worth it, and my scanner's not big enough. I'd take a picture of it but I had let my roommates borrow my cam for their east coast trip only to return without the charger, it lasted long enough to upload their pictures before performing a silent death rattle. Ah my luck...it is non-existent.
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I've decided that being entirely silent is not such a noble thing to do, and moving on is for the best, as time will gradually heal all wounds.  Wrong. For some, time only strengthens the poison that seeps from the heart, a poison so potent that embracing it becomes a source of energy that provides false optimism. Make sense? No, didn't think so. Only to me. Anyway, for me it's different. Time will only blur what I want to forget, momentarily replacing the issues with whatever will help me get by day after day. It's a scar that will not fade and have will never completely heal. I'm finding myself pathetic to covet such negative thoughts lately.

I've been in such an emotional mess and it's brought to me quite the amusement. So far I've kept much of my personal life struggles from my friends who think they have me all figured out, "you're such an easy person to read…" they say. No, they're just not perceptive…or they're not real friends. I've never been one to burden others with what I call personal problems; I'm just not a very open person. It's easier when others come to me with theirs and I'll do whatever I can to help ease their frustrations. Hmm…I say all that and yet here I am blabbering away. Well, it's different. I don't feel obligated to further explain myself to strangers. Besides, anyone can make up stories, right?
Anyway, my drive to accomplish some upload-worthy artwork has been on hiatus for the longest time. There are some finished works but I'm not satisfied with them at all (but I've recently unearthed several of my colored ink bottles and I'm starting to have that artsy feeling again!). My time recently has been spent working, studying, and keeping my mind from wandering over to darker subjects.  Oh to wallow in self pity! I'm honestly not that pathetic…on the surface and in person. It doesn't suit to give off that kind of persona. So, to keep myself from breaking down I've been going on hikes by myself (not safe but I don't care) and engrossing myself in books, several at a time. No, I don't confuse the characters. Hmm…this is becoming a little random. I'll blame it on the lack of sleep! Yes, that's it.

So I guess I'm not upset enough to reveal the details and perhaps discretion is for the best, and it is, for now. I only hope that there is such a thing as Karma. People who, with knowing ( I was going to say 'calculated' but that will only imply that they're cunning—and they're not, I have proof of this) intentions, act on their impulsive, shameless desires with no thought for the feelings of those who are or may be involved should not get away with it. I do not like being made fool of, nor do I like the arising implications that I'm too meek or too dull to comprehend what's so terribly hidden before me. To me, people who are dishonest and play games like that are nothing but barefaced cowards that hide behind a pathetic façade that will only reveal itself much sooner than later.

I'm just tired of it all. I've had enough of it growing up and I certainly have had enough of it from those that should know better. The positive thing about all this is that I'm quicker to find the faults in people and that I'm not that bad at reading faces.

If a certain person is reading this…I've known the whole time. I was told about everything. Everything. Even the most private. From the very source you trust. I hope that your definition of Living True and Being Genuine  is not something you've suggested to others.
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What a shame.

1 min read
Delete
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Survey!

12 min read
Just for you.

[x] I am shorter than 5'4".
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes. – When I don’t sleep…which is quite often now…
[x] I have many scars. – It’s difficult to be adventurous and not make memory of certain events.
[x] I tan easily. – Oh so very easily…
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.  (It’d be nice to pull off the Storm look…)
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo. –As soon as I make the appointment.  
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance. - Sometimes.
[ ] I have/I've had braces.
[ ] I wear glasses. –Better than 20/20!
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger. – You know how older men can be…
[ ] I have more than 2 piercing.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles. –I wish, I find them adorable on people.
[ ] I hate my dad.
[ ] I hate my mom.
[x] I have a brother. - brother(S)
[ x] I have a sister. –I’ve never met them nor do I know their names…
[ ] I've sworn at my parents.
[x ] I've run away from home. –Didn’t last very long. Got hungry.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together. –I have no idea if my biological father is even alive.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[ ] I want to have kids someday. – If I could get my tubes tied now I would. I’d rather adopt.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.
[x] I'm in school. –Took a year or so off from college. Back now.
[x] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework.
[ ] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[ ] I've stolen something from my job.
[ ] I've been fired.
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.  –Yes, I’m guilty.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry. –What?
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing. –Ugh! I do admit that I have, several times actually.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something. –Actually, someone glued the glue gun to me.
[x] I've had my pants rip in public. -Meh…I wear underwear.
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[ ] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[x] I've broken a bone. –Leg and left thumb.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox. –TWICE!
[x] I was born in a different country. - Philippines
[x] I've driven over 200 miles in one day. –I’m crazy like that! I do enjoy my hikes!
[x] I've been on a plane.
[x] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[x] I've been to Japan. –Would like to! Advance technology…I want to see their vending machines.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa. –One day!
[x] I've gotten lost in my city. - Seattle
[x ] I've seen a shooting star.
[x ] I've wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas. –I would go to the grocery store in them…
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts. –on numerous occasions
[x] I've been to a casino. – I don’t gamble, generally. I’ve only lost a total of $25.00.  
[ ] I've been skydiving. –I WILL ON MY NEXT BIRTHDAY WEEKEND! Stoked beyond reason.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've played spin the bottle.
[x] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. –Two gallons.
[x] I've crashed a car. –I’ve gotten directly hit between the passenger door side and the front into               
     a metal post.
[ ] I've been Skiing.
[x] I've been in a play.
[ ] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night. –Summer nights are wonderful to spend time on the roof, to gaze
     at the stars.
[x] I've played chicken. –and lost
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten sushi. – mMm!
[ ] I've been snowboarding. –would like to
[ ] I'm single.
[x] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't. –There are different forms of love. I regret only one time.  I respect these words a great deal.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship. – In the process of throwing away everything.
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I'm bi.
[ ] I'm gay.
[x] I've had sex.
[ ] I've had phone sex.
[ ] I've cybered.
[ ] I've had sex in public. –exactly how public…?
[x] I've had a crush on a teacher. –I have a list of some of the world’s most attractive teachers… (both physical and personality)
[x] I am a cuddler. –Not so much, not in public…
[x] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger
[ ] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't. –It hurts, still.
[x] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game. –Only after I beat it!
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[x] I've run a red light. –There’s this one intersection…their green light stays green for about 1sec!
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[ ] I've witnessed a crime.
[x] I've been in a fist fight. –Does it count if it’s for Taekwondo?
[ ] I've been arrested.
[x] I've consumed alcohol. –I don’t drink…I’ve only had sips to taste them.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I've smoked weed.
[ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed. - Sadly yes.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[ ] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I've woken up crying. –The most awful dream ever…
[ ] I'm afraid of dying.
[ ] I hate funerals.
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I've planned my own suicide. - I've thought about it.
[ ] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[ ] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[x] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[x] I own a plushie of my fave character from anything. –Okay, yes… I have one of Naruto. He stands/hangs guard of my car…
[ ] I own a cosplay outfit. –I’m thinking of making one… I am dork. So be it.
[x] I know what cosplay means.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece. –One—and I hate it! It’s pink! Gift.
[x] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[x] I collect comic books. –I have a few X-men and others. I have more Mangas though!
[x] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on e-bay. –Gift from a special friend.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.
[ ] I can sing well. –The Aladdin song…
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs. –Not generally…
[ ] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme. –does annoy me though!
[ ] I curse regularly.
[x] I sing in the shower.
[x] I am a morning person. –Both morning and night…
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[ ] I'm a snob about grammar. –At times…
[ ] I am a sports fanatic. –I enjoy soccer!
[ ] I twirl my hair. –sometimes
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[x] I love being neat.
[x] I love Spam. - Yep, for breakfast with eggs & rice.
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day.
[x] I bake well. – I enjoy baking and decorating what I bake.
[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue. - Blue
[x] I've worn pajamas to school. –Pajama day.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[x] I know how to shoot a gun.
[ ] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. –One of the most annoying things ever! Even worse when they choose not to spell correctly.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes. –It sucks when you’re the only one laughing.
[ ] I eat fast food weekly. –don’t enjoy it much. I’m not into burgers..
[x] I believe in ghosts. –There’s something out there!
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[x] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class. –Not really. Just not my rough drafts for a creative writing class I took and they counted a great deal. My stories were just that amazing!!! It’s funny, I got done with my last paper on the same day we had to bind all our stories into a book.  My teacher was considered to be the hardest and leniency is not in his vocabulary.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[ ] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate. - Any chocolate really.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games.
[x] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names.
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[ ] I loath labels.
[x] I like action movies.
[x] I like horror movies.
[ ] I like chick flicks. –Really depends, I can’t sit still long enough to watch half.
[x] I know the most random facts about things people have never heard of before.
[ ] I can't spell.
[x] I treasure my friends.
[x] I think of others before myself.

[x] All of those are answered honestly.

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Pain is Pleasure.

Vacation is over and spring quarter starts tomorrow today. I’m a bit apprehensive for this quarter, it’s going to be ridiculously busy with me taking three classes and maintaining my 40 hours a week schedule. Plus, I’m thinking about applying into an administrative position at Microsoft and they require you to train for four months with them. I’m not exactly sure how or what their schedule is but it won’t matter once I have the job, they have great benefits and my paycheck would be more than enough to pay for all of my school until I transfer, my bills, and especially my rent. They also have something that will help employed students with their tuition. Hopefully if I’m admitted and I get more information about the initial program, I’ll be able to move in a more desirable location—away from what I consider the most miserable place in WA, “The black hole of WA.” Now all I have left to worry about is moving, how to pay for rent since I’m paying for all of the above mentioned out of pocket and transferring jobs but still keeping my position and pay. *frowns*

*jiggles chump change* Oh, and I have to buy new tires for my car because of the insane mileage I’ve racked up on it for the last 2.5 years. My sanity can only be contained when I’m on the road and elsewhere from where I’m currently holed. Gas is expensive…but it’s my ‘anti insanity drug.’
It’s frustrating to watch your WPH dwindle to half the speed. A safe door hand swung shut on my index finger near the base of my nail, cutting through and leaving a somewhat nasty bent nail. It bled and hurt like, like…something that hurts real bad. Thankfully it missed the bone but I’m not sure what the damage really is, didn’t bother with going to the doctor about it…I’m just that kind of person. It looks terribly disgusting—the kind that looks like it’ll just fall off (I’d cry…a lot). It is apparent that I’ll lose my nail (don’t worry, a new one will slowly replace it) and I’m not quite fond of it, it’s going to be a slow process till it looks normal again.

In other news, I haven’t had time to come up with any worthy deviations and I was really hoping to get some abstracts in the works but with no avail. I’ve manage, however, to finish a chibi drawing of tokkimo and my half of a collaboration with crimsonrage. They’ll be up soon. Hopefully in the next two weeks I’ll have a few minutes to spare each day for a large painting I have in mind, it’ll be Spartan-inspired. I’m quite stoked. It’s going to be a gift.

Anyway, enough of my ranting…still have a WoW character to make.

Here are a few features:
Koi and lotus by BettieBoner:thumb75789171: Champagne Serpentine by j-adree:thumb73974481: SiMalakasAtMagandaTheory by gromyko
BEST FRIEND page 2 of 2 by Akai-01 Finnish Autumn by Mrichston Dandelians II: Alien Fireworks by Mrichston Nothing Unusual Happened... by Mrichston Streets of Salt 1 by Mgsblade
Baker Lake Stumps by Leiko87 the train: chuu chuuu by niban-deidara-n-chan teenagers by pinkjellyo Air guitar by ElenoideArt Formation with Sunset by Beesknees67

*smiles lazily*
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Featured

I am without means of uploading my recent works... by akirazme, journal

Caution: Personal Ranting. by akirazme, journal

What a shame. by akirazme, journal

Survey! by akirazme, journal

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