I’ve decided that being entirely silent is not such a noble thing to do, and moving on is for the best, as time will gradually heal all wounds. Wrong. For some, time only strengthens the poison that seeps from the heart, a poison so potent that embracing it becomes a source of energy that provides false optimism. Make sense? No, didn’t think so. Only to me. Anyway, for me it’s different. Time will only blur what I want to forget, momentarily replacing the issues with whatever will help me get by day after day. It’s a scar that will not fade and have will never completely heal. I’m finding myself pathetic to covet such negative thoughts lately.

I’ve been in such an emotional mess and it’s brought to me quite the amusement. So far I’ve kept much of my personal life struggles from my friends who think they have me all figured out, “you’re such an easy person to read…” they say. No, they’re just not perceptive…or they’re not real friends. I’ve never been one to burden others with what I call personal problems; I’m just not a very open person. It’s easier when others come to me with theirs and I’ll do whatever I can to help ease their frustrations. Hmm…I say all that and yet here I am blabbering away. Well, it’s different. I don’t feel obligated to further explain myself to strangers. Besides, anyone can make up stories, right?
Anyway, my drive to accomplish some upload-worthy artwork has been on hiatus for the longest time. There are some finished works but I’m not satisfied with them at all (but I’ve recently unearthed several of my colored ink bottles and I’m starting to have that artsy feeling again!). My time recently has been spent working, studying, and keeping my mind from wandering over to darker subjects. Oh to wallow in self pity! I’m honestly not that pathetic…on the surface and in person. It doesn’t suit to give off that kind of persona. So, to keep myself from breaking down I’ve been going on hikes by myself (not safe but I don’t care) and engrossing myself in books, several at a time. No, I don’t confuse the characters. Hmm…this is becoming a little random. I’ll blame it on the lack of sleep! Yes, that’s it.

So I guess I’m not upset enough to reveal the details and perhaps discretion is for the best, and it is, for now. I only hope that there is such a thing as Karma. People who, with knowing ( I was going to say ‘calculated’ but that will only imply that they’re cunning—and they’re not, I have proof of this) intentions, act on their impulsive, shameless desires with no thought for the feelings of those who are or may be involved should not get away with it. I do not like being made fool of, nor do I like the arising implications that I’m too meek or too dull to comprehend what’s so terribly hidden before me. To me, people who are dishonest and play games like that are nothing but barefaced cowards that hide behind a pathetic façade that will only reveal itself much sooner than later.

I’m just tired of it all. I’ve had enough of it growing up and I certainly have had enough of it from those that should know better. The positive thing about all this is that I’m quicker to find the faults in people and that I’m not that bad at reading faces.

If a certain person is reading this…I’ve known the whole time. I was told about everything. Everything. Even the most private. From the very source you trust. I hope that your definition of Living True and Being Genuine is not something you’ve suggested to others.